Two Chuds Set To Stay

John Two Chuds Chuddy Prescott announced he is determined to hold on to his 'job' today in spite of the fact that everyone in the country wants him out and all the other politicians hate him. Latest calls for his resignation came after he was accused of acting inappropriately by hanging out with billionaire cowboy Philip Anschutz at his ranch in America. The US businessman wants to buy the millenium dome and turn it into a casino. Allegations that Phil took Two Chuds to a titty bar and fed him whole barbequed cows have not been founded.

In spite of this recent negative publicity us folk at mooky.net continue to offer the part-time Deputy PM our full support. Any politician who physically assualts the electorate; clearly enjoys fine dining and binge drinking; bangs his secretary in his office; and generally pisses about playing croquet when he should be working, gets our vote. With an obscene salary, license to do what he wants and when, a house as fat as he is and a whole department he can send out for ale, pies and ale pies what's the incentive is there for old Two Chuds to quit anyway?

Fortunately Prime Minister Tony Blair doesn't give a chud about the democratic process or what the public want. After all, it's not like they elected him to office. At least the majority of the population didn't! So thankfully Two Chuds is holding on to his job. Without him this country would be in a sorry state. Luckily it seems nothing will get him out though. Not even a Conservative win at the next election! The tories would probably just work around him. So until he dies, old fatty fatty Two Chuds is here to stay. Hooray!

Albino Police Horse Can't Sunbathe

Humberside police horse Blue is reported to be very upset this morning after senior officers ordered him to stop sunbathing. Blue is an albino and unable to enjoy the recent heatwave like fellow police horses for fear he will be reduced to a pile of ashes by the unrelenting power of the sun. Indeed Blue can't even step out of his stable to chase criminals before he's had 30 bottles of sun tan lotion slapped on him.

A number of fellow officers have been criticised for being mean to Blue. They nicknamed the horse 'Sunny' - a blatant mockery of his freak condition. But in spite of other officers being concerned about his condition Humberside police weren't arsed enough to blow tax payers' cash on Blue's sun tan lotion. Instead they posted an appeal on their website and waited until they got 50 gallons off a local chemist's for free.

"We have been so worried about Sunny, especially now the temperature is soaring," lied PC Claire Doherty of Humberside Mounted Police, as she reclined on a sun lounger soaking up the rays and enjoying a cocktail.

When we finally caught up with Blue covered in congealed sun tan lotion and trying to stay in the shadows of his stable like a frightened vampire, he had a very different story to tell:

"I haven't seen all of the sun tan lotion," he told us. "Some of the other officers have been helping themselves to it, I'm sure. Which is just wrong. Its like taking medicine from a sick person."

Blue then burst into tears and muttered something about how he wished he'd been born normal like the other horses. We gave him a couple of sugar cubes and left him to his self-indulgent snivelling before peeling off and getting a bit of sun on our corpse white bodies.