Dodgy Beans Cost Tescos £25K

Supermarket giant Tescos has been successfully sued by 8 people it poisoned with some dodgy cafe breakfasts. 6 of the munchers were punters while the other 2 were staff sneaking a free meal.

Tests showed the breakfasts contained cleaning products used to wash the pans the food was prepared in. According to one victim the first couple of mouthfuls caused a burning sensation almost straightaway. Whether this stopped the individual eating the rest of their breakfast is not known. Other symptoms included severe vomiting, diarrhoea and mouth ulcers.

Herefordshire Magistrates court ruled in favour of the injured parties awarding £10,000 compensation and £15,000 costs. A total amount that will no doubt cripple the chain financially.

The poisoning took place at Tescos store in Belmont, Herefordshire. Knowing the area well this reporter can picture the customers all too vividly. The supermarket is a short waddle from the wannabe city's Newton Farm - an area dominated by council estates. The ruling no doubt motivated the plaintiffs to buy a carton of filtered cigarettes, a couple of bottles of Cava and pick up some brochures from Going Places.

The money will no doubt be used to inflict more pain on the Spanish as whole families of catastrophic proportions head for ten days in the sun. Cue fat sunburnt scum parading around in union jack emblazoned clothes, patronising locals, drinking copious amounts, screaming at off-spring and complaining about the lack of english cuisine.

I bought a toaster from Tescos once. It caused a fire in my house, gutted the kitchen and living room and nearly killed my girlfriend. And what did I get? Fuck all! Tell me, where's the justice in that?