Stalker Sam

We knew it! We knew it! And we told you about it as well! Mooky.net was first to predict the stalker like qualities of Sam after he licked Nikki's saggy bum clean inside out. We advised that his background check might not have been as thorough as it should've been and what happened in the early hours is just more proof.

Grace was the deserving victim of Sam's eery weirdness and she told Lisa about the whole frightening thing this morning. "Oh my god, last night, it was late... next thing I hear is rustling and then I see Sam's put her pillows at the bottom of my bed, staring at me, like this..." Grace then impersonated a staring pyschotic axe murderer, which even unnerved Lisa who has to live with looking at her own hideous face every day. "Aaargh," Lisa cried in shock horror, much the way we did when we saw her for the first time. "She woke me up, it freaked me out," Grace continued shakily. "She was going 'you're amazing, you're amazing'."

"She tells everyone they're amazing," Nikki butted in, in spite of lapping up the bullshit when it was directed her way. "Yeah, like everyone looks the same, everyone looks amazing, do they?" Grace bitched, her words dripping with pure venom. "And yesterday I was eating a banana, taking my hair out, and she comes over and puts it in a bun for me!" At this point the freak that is Sam walked into the room. "I couldn't sleep last night. I can go the whole night without sleeping," he revealed with all the enthusiasm of a manic depressive on a high. The others looked at each other with equal amounts of disgust and dread. "I think we should, like, totally empty the fridge and clean it out!" Sam then said raving like a sleep deprived loon on speed. "We can do it later," Grace spat while inserting her banana up her gash to stop it getting placed in a bun again.

So is this history repeating? Shahbaz Mk II? At the least a deranged fan who is half pyscho, half sociopath has been let loose in the house. Right now it's all love, love, love, but when that sick bitch snaps he's going to kill every single last one of those mugs in the most evil ways imaginable. We can't wait.