Sam Suggests Lea Should Back Off

Scary Sam had a chat with Lea this morning about her inability to leave Pete alone. In an attempt to sound deep and insightful that made our skin crawl, Sam tried telling Lea to let the whistling monkey have his own space. "He's got the characteristics of the two people I love," Lea argued her corner, talking about her sons. "I like to cook him breakfast - it stops me missing my boys too much."

"You're being too overly 'mummy' to Pete," Sam responded, suggesting the whistler needed room to breathe. "If Pete didn't have me in here who the fuck would he have? What other genuine person would he have, really, to talk to, to open up to, to have a hug with?" Lea defended her position. "He gets on quite well with Mikey," Sam whined pathetically. By this point the scary she-woman was probably regretting her attempt to discuss the whole thing in the first place. "No one takes time to understand him, no one takes time to really talk to him or care about him, so who would he have if I weren't here?" Lea carried on moodily. "He's my disabled pet... no-one else's... mine! If any cunt tries to patronise and treat him like a handicapped creature I'll chin 'em."

Sam went distinctly pale at this point. "I'm the only who knows what his whistles mean. Me! NOT YOU, YOU SICK ORANGE TWAT!" At this point Sam ran for the kitchen hoping to reach the drawer, which contained the knives first. Lea had picked up a chair and looked ready to use it. Total violence was only avoided because Lisa stepped out of the bathroom. The sight of her ruined visage was enough to make the other two run for cover, all thoughts of killing forced from their minds.