Pete Refuses Tit Wank

Speculation was rife last night that whistling monkey Pete either has very good eyesight, impeccable taste or both. The Brighton boy refused the 'temptation' of sharing a bed with bleached blond slags Lea and Aisleyne. "Most red-blooded males would drool over the prospect of sharing a bed with two buxom blonds," C4's official Big Brother site commented. True... they probably would, but unfortunately the description doesn't apply to Lea or Aisleyne, who are both painted lady dogs. "Come in bed with us Peter," Lea demanded like the ho she is. Aisleyne giggled lying beside the porn star. "I can't. It's too hot," Pete quickly said trying to stop himself from vomiting at the thought of Lea's concrete breasts crushing his nose to pulp. "I'll be hot and sweaty and squashed."

"That's what we're hoping!" Lea added. "Well if you get cold, we'll come and keep you warm." We only hope her son wasn't watching. Pete seemed to think the storm had passed, but desperate Lea wouldn't let him lie. "It's unsociable to be on your own," she teased like a surgically enhanced Mrs Robinson. "What is? To lie on my own?" Pete whistled, clearly confused by the ridiculous comment. "To play on your own... you shouldn't play on your own," Lea giggled. "You'll go blind!" Aisleyne added. "I'm not playing," Pete told them firmly. "I want to get some sleep and you two repulsive bitches don't seem to be able to take a hint! You're ugly, look about 60 and have a gash the size of the Dartmouth tunnel, Lea! And you Aisleyne... you're just a mismatched attempt to look good in a chavvy sort of way, but somehow fail completely. The idea of sticking my cock in either of you makes me sick to the stomach. I'd rather eat my own shit," he should've said, but didn't. And where was Lisa, Pete's supposed beau, throughout all this? Why, beating herself with the fugly stick, of course!