Pathetic

With so many inmates already ousted, an absurd chocolate related promotion, and generally the biggest collection of cunts in the world all together in one place you'd have thought more exciting things would be happening in the Big Chudder house. Sadly, not the case. It may have something to do with the fact that numb twats like Mikey are amongst the people in there. The model from the north whose personality was removed at birth came up with what he thought was a hilarious prank, but just bemused the rest of us. At half two this morning Mikey went around with his electric razor and held it to the ear of some of the others who were sleeping.

I'm not sure why this is funny and the inmates didn't seem to understand either. Imogen, who is terminally dull, was first up. She was always going to be hard work, but Mikey seemed determined - sad cunt. "What the f*** is that?" she squealed. "Wasps... they're buzzing around everywhere. A swarm of wasps," Mikey laughed. Hilarious. Mikey then turned to Glyn who was actually still awake. The lifeguard, cum beach wimp, had just finished having a wank over Lea's tits and was playing with the semen drying on his stomach. "What buzz do you get from that?" Glyn asked as cool as a welsh James Bond. "Why are you enjoying putting hair clippers by my ears?" Mikey clearly had no answer and now has to live with the fact he was quickly and effectively put down by a teenager. Cussed.

But Mikey's 'antics' raise a serious philosophical question, which is: If God is indeed a just entity then why are dull cunts like this alive and well, while legends like John Thaw a.k.a Inspector Morse and Richard Whiteley a.k.a Mr Countdown have sadly moved on. When I get to heaven I'll ask God and I'll be very interested to hear what he has to say.