High Speed Cow Chase

A Japanese cow, NOT Yoko Ono, made a bid for freedom on the way to the slaughterhouse on Sunday. According to Kitabayashi, a local police officer, the 1,606 pound bovine “was startled by a loud sound and just ran off.” 23 police officers chased the cow 3.7 miles in a high speed car chase.

A 56 year old rendering plant worker was knocked unconscious when he tried to help to capture the renegade hamburger. Karma quickly realigned and sent the cow hurtling into a metal fence. Sadly the impact of the crash resulted in its sputtering demise.

Nonchalently brushing cow eyeball off his shirt, Kitabayashi mused "I don't know whether it will be processed into meat or not". Metal infused meat enthusiasts are said to be hopeful. This little incident makes me want to move to Japan immediately, I’d become the most prolific criminal in the east by constantly eluding armies of police with my sophisticated cow beating intellect and fence avoiding skills.