Big Baby Glyn Blubs

Welsh lifeguard Glyn who thinks he has the body of Adonis and some super powers was in tears tonight. Apparently one of the trains that featured in the last tedious task we didn't bother to report on reminded him of home. With the knowledge that the coal mine ridden dump is far, far away you would've thought Glyn's tears would've been ones of joy. But apparently the headboy with the body of a beach wimp is homesick. He went and told Big Chudder who offered no words of condolence and seemed relatively bored by the whole thing. "Boo hoo... does baby Glyn want his mummy?" the voice didn't say.

Glyn went to the lounge where Sezer was sitting stroking himself on the counch and wearing nothing but a thong. Sezer has been looking for a new bum chum since he fell out with Big Gay Dick. The cock broker stood up and started gyrating his hips, before suggesting a lapdance might cheer up the kid. Glyn left quickly and went to sit on his own in the garden. He sat there crying into the early hours and singing folk songs that his mother used to sing to him when he was in his crib... or some other bollocks. Anyway those cool kids at his school are going to give him some shit over this when term starts again.