Beer Cures Everything

And by everything I mean prostrate cancer. Oregonian researchers have found during lab tests an ingredient in beer that actually helps prevent prostrate cancer. The ingredient is a compound called xanthohumol and it’s found in hops, which is incredibly interesting. However, the real discovery is that it would take about 17 beers a day for subjects to see any benefit.

Dr Richard N. Atkins of the National Prostrate Cancer Coalition said: "It's every man's dream to hear that beer and pizza can prevent cancer… However, the 17 beers and four large pizzas needed to get enough xanthohumol and lycopene to help prevent prostate cancer is unfortunately not advised."

I don’t know why he’s throwing pizzas into the mix, perhaps he thinks he’s funny. Either way, this is surely grounds for some kind of revolution. Just imagine, every decision you make from now on could be based solely on beery whims. You could charge into old ladies that get your way and then burp boozily into their face and there's nothing they could do about it because you're preventing prostate cancer.