You’re Fi… Not As Fat

Cuddly Amstradian bear, Sir Alan Sugar, had to make his final decision on ‘The Apprentice’ last night. The competition was stiff with both girls offering a unique set of desirable talents. It was Michelle’s “110%” against Ruth’s “complete package”. After a task that would have no bearing on the outcome, Sugar sat down with the two girls and pretended to listen to what they had to say. As soon as Ruth had finished shouting at him like an aroused matron he turned to Michelle and revealed: “you’re less annoying”.

Michelle Dewberry, who will paid to sit in a room on her own masturbating in front of video cameras, was delighted: “I’ll be honest, cos like I didn’t think like, I’d ged it. I reckon it’s cos of me tits. That fat bird were a mooch betta seller than me, but she was rough innit.”

The lesbonic Badger, who’s age no-one can quite place, was visibly distraught and blushed so brightly that her cheek warmth actually set fire to Sugar’s pube head. As the final credits rolled Sayed and Paul can be seen pissing on his head. Somewhat inexplicably, they then had a willy swordfight which ended the series with a real climax. Tuan hung back not wishing to get too involved: “I’m more of a planner” he explained.