You Are What You Wee

It's more smelly than snot, but less smelly than poo. That's right, we're talking about piss.

Have you ever had a 'detatched reality' moment in the loo. A moment where you're right there, enjoying a stream of relief but suddenly become acutely conscious of the colour, or even the smell of your discharge? Isn't 'discharge' a disgusting word? I don't know about you, but it makes me think of a hippy's vaginal sweat, maybe even the pus that constantly seeps out of fat people.

Pus aside, mooky.net have initiated a little investigation into piss. What it means when it glows like a river of fireflies, or when it whiffs of honeysuckle in spring. Behold, the mooky guide to piss:

The Rainbow of Piss

Pink or Red Urine - You've been eating beetroots. How horrid. Blackberries can have the same effect, but they're cool, so that ok.

Green Urine - You've been eating Asparagus. An additional side effect of eating the vegetable that lends itself so well to hot butter, is that your piss will stink of sulphurus shit. Sadly your shit won't stink of piss.

Colourless vs Dark Yellow Urine - The less water you drink, the yellower the piss. But you knew that. But I bet you didn't know that the yellow bit is bile. Ugh. Bile's dark yellow, so the less water there is to dilute it, the darker and yellower the wee.

Orange (or possibly brown) Urine - What is this obsession with bile? Wee goes brown if there's excess bile in the blood. i.e. if you're jaundiced or like that rubbery, bendy bloke from the scary X-Files episode.


Brown Urine - Carrots or rhubarb can cause this. Presumably if you eat lots of carrots it won't be a problem having dark brown piss at night - because with your supersonic vision you'll STILL be able to see it.

Bright Highlighter Juice Urine - You've Taken a Multivitamin. Cool isn't it. That just means that your body hasn't absorbed it, which is normal apparently. Try taking Berocca, your piss will blind pixies AND it smells like weak orange juice.

Blue Urine - You've been taking a drug called Risanpin, an antiobiotic used to treat tuberculosis.

Bluey Green - Why the hell have you been drinking Methylene Blue? Do you know what it is? It's the stuff you shove in fish tanks to keep the fish healthy. Why would you want to keep fish healthy? They're shit.

Miscellaneaus Shit... I Mean Piss

Sweet Sugary Smell in Your Urine - *wags finger like a dickhead* you've been taking drugs.



Coffee - is notoriously impressive at making your piss smell bad. In fact coffee makes breath smell like shit as well. Coffee rules and sucks at the same time.

Beer - Makes your wee smell like corn.

Blood in Your Urine - This means you're ill.

Well blood and urine seems like a good place to leave it. I'm off to drink Berocca and fish tank stuff.