Whisky Merchant Ends Drought Fears

A whisky merchant in Aberdeen, who claimed to have solved Britain's growing fears about drought, has been revealed as a shamster. In a revelation that seemed as ground breakingly genius as former Home Office Charles Clarke's approach to prison overcrowding, merchant boss Euan Shand revealed the details of his scheme: "We have plenty of surplus whisky barrels... maybe thousands of them... which could be used to collect water... they could be sold in garden centers..."

After staring at Mr Shand for a moment in speechless bemusement we asked him where the water would come from. "Rainwater," he boldly said, beaming from ear to ear, and pointing to the sky like a small child. "People collect rainwater in them and use that to wash their cars or water their gardens..." It was difficult for mooky.net to establish whether Mr Shand had been drinking or not. Although we were quickly becoming inebriated ourselves just from the fumes wafting off his kilt.

We attempted to explain the reservoir system to Mr Shand i.e. how rainwater limited the risk of a drought, but he stuck his fingers in his ears, started singing and shouting "I canna hear ye, I canna hear ye." As we turned to walk away, Mr Shand pursued us. "Alright then," he said. "Get the water out of a tap..." We thought we had left Mr Shand behind, but as we closed the doors to the mooky.net news van he was staring in at us like a psycho. "Ye can get the water from the sea," he said. "There's loads of it there. Ye can drink it, and do your toilet in it." We tried to avoid running Mr Shand down on our way out of his scrap of land, but couldn't help it.