Toilets Disorientate Beautiful People

Garnier Supermodel Tatyana Simanava gave penises a shock on Wednesday when she tumbled off a moving bus, narrowly avoiding death... or worse, disfigurement. The 21 year old Russian was on her way to Staten Island for a photo shoot when she had to make a toilet break. When she emerged from the luxurious ‘living space’ bathroom, instead of going left to the main seating area, she turned right and walked straight out of the bus. A traffic cop at the scene suggested “she got disorientated” after leaving the bathroom. Following the incident the disorientated girl's agency (Next Models) have begun work converting their 12 story offices into a village of doorless bungalows, in an attempt to avoid any unsavoury repeats.

According to the driver, the bus was travelling at 40mph down the Gowanus Expressway when the blonde gazelle flew gawkily out of the exit door. Tatyana's pavement embrace left her with a smashed arm, dislocated shoulder and slightly shredded face. A straight-talking policeman sniffed: “She’s lucky she wasn’t killed… she could have easily gotten run over”. Tatyana has been unable to comment but did pout beautifully from her hospital bed. A spokeswoman for Garnier added rather unnecessarily: “to be honest we couldn’t really give a Fructis”.