Shitty Day For Spurs

Spurs were hoping for a win at West Ham on Sunday but failed on account of 'being ill'. After dinner at their hotel (The Marriott in Canary Wharf) players suddenly found they were 'ill'. 10 first team players spent the night in their hotel rooms vomitting until the early hours of the morning. When interviewed the following day, one the hotel rooms remarked: "yeah well, it makes a change from the usual mass rape and pillage, hehe... though Carrick's chud weren't too fresh smelling - smelly bastard".

The defeat has seen Tottenham ousted from a place in the Champion's League, but manager Martin Jol was typically philosophical: "We may havsh losht, but itsh ok. We'll jusht go home, do shum drugsh, smoke shum spliffsh - hey, maybe we even watch shum porno'sh!"