Shahbaz - Hamster Loving Gay On Speed

Christ! Where to start with Shahbaz!? He's your worst nightmare and our dream come true at the same time. An unemployed, scottish, hamster loving, hyperactive, extremely camp gayer. Over everyone as soon as they walked into the house like an STD related rash we would have turned and run. But to the credit of the collective cunts they took his 'old friends who haven't seen each for years' style welcome with grace.

He's so over the top he'll probably be the first to cry. He'll have a couple of heart to hearts with the plastic surgeon's nightmare Lea and when everyone's pissed up try it on relentlessly with every straight bloke in there, who on the whole seem quite openly homophobic.

We're hoping Posh George will get paraletic, have a fumble with Shahbaz in the pool, then head into total denial about his homosexuality the next day. He'll scrub himself with bleach to get rid of the trace of Shahbaz's touch and rancid smell and end up physically assaulting the lumberjack, make-up wearing ponce. Shahbaz'll annoy the fuck out of us, but the numb chuds in there will probably keep him in for a while.