Prince Banged Up

Fat faced former boxing champ Prince Naseem Nas Hamed has been jailed for dangerous driving today. The 32 year old is facing a 15 month stretch after causing a big bad crash, which left another driver seriously injured. Nas, best known for his back-flips into the ring and leopard print shorts-cum-loincloths, was driving his £325,000 McLaren-Mercedes at 90mph when he smashed the fuck out of a Volkswagen Golf. And then pounded the buggery out of a Ford Mondeo. Nas denied purposefully driving into cars shitter than his own.

The force of the impacts was made worse by the fact that Nas has become quite porky in recent months. No longer a featherweight, he is now in the Fat Bastard category. His recent blubber gain has been put down to Nas' strict adherence to the Jade Goody athletes training schedule - part of his planned boxing comeback announced in November 2005. The amusingly named Judge Goldsack said Nas was a stupid chud who couldn't drive and deserved to be banged up good and proper. He went on to say that the jail term would also be good for the fat man's health.

"They like 'em chubby in nick," Goldsack said stroking himself. "You'll be one of t' favourites." Nas' wife, Eleasha, who came free with the car looked relieved at the ruling.

"Let's see how you like being bummed by some sweaty, overweight bloke who smells night after night," no one heard her say as Nas was taken away crying like a bitch.