The Most Manly City In The World

Ozzy Osbourne, UB40, Ocean Colour Scene, J R R Tolkein... what do they all have in common? Why they’re all massive wankers of course! No no, not in the bad way, in a good way. Google have released search engine evidence (the most iron clad there is) that shows Brummies type ‘porn’ into their search engines more than any other city in the world.

Cadburys, Birmingham’s most famous confectioners, have indicated that they may launch a brand new chocolate bar in response to these findings. ‘Flange and Baps’ hopes to lure in new eaters with a free ‘fun size’ porn mag stashed under every wrapper. With Manchester in second place, followed by Brisbane, Perth, Sydney and Melbourne, a whole spate of exotic new products are expected to hit the shelves. Gun Holsters made out of tit, vegemite sex spread. Sally from Home & Away is rumoured to be so sexually excited by the news she may even make another ‘home video’.