Mikey Wants A Wank

Life size puppet and professional Vernon Kaye impersonator Mikey is desperate for a wank. Getting nowhere with sloane wax work Grace, he is gagging to blow his biscuits and clear the tubes. But in a house full of motion sensitive cameras what can he do? "Do you reckon there's anywhere in here with no cameras. I mean, a blind spot," he asked the other inmates. "No," was the unanimous response. "In the Diary Room there's a door and then another door, with a space in between," he mused. The concept of Mikey squatting in some dark, dank behind the scenes spot frantically pulling his wood fills us with eual amounts of horror and disgust. But Mikey seems hell bent on this course of action. What must his mother think? Then again she washes his sheets so she probably already knows her son's a wanker. "The bathroom is the only place," said Grace. "But you can't even stand underneath the camera because it moves and follows you around."

"It would only get the top of your head though," Aisleyne chipped in, giving Mikey hope. "Last year there was the pool," Grace carried on. "But there are cameras underwater so now the only place is the bath tub." "There's a camera in the mirror," Mikey lamented. "You could use loads of bubbles," Grace suggested. By the way Mikey's face lit up, it seemed he had found the perfect place to empty his dirty water. Hopefully once he's done so he will feel ashamed and repulsed by himself, suffer severe trauma and never be able to masturbate again because frankly listening to the cunt try to figure out where he can have a toss is horrible. Even Grace's headmistress attempt to stop Mikey had no effect "But then you'd use up all the bubble bath." What should have happened at that point is Mikey should have used Grace's mouth. He would have got off and shut the fugly cow up. But as Big Chudder fans know by now Grace is not a team player. And also probably frigid.