Immigrants Out

"Get out! Go on, the lot of you! Forget political asylum... death threats or being tortured... sod off home!" PM Tony Blair shockingly announced today, or words to that effect. Apparently the gaffer of Downing Street is sick of immigrant crims "taking the piss."

The about turn in policy will surprise many Labour fans who only recently saw Charles Clarke letting immigrant offenders stroll freely around the streets, doing as they pleased. Blair, who could be on the verge of losing it, is thought to have been pressured into the outburst after other politicians accused him of being in love with foreigners, especially male ones.

We asked Big Chudder pig Jade what she thought about the situation. "Nah! The queen's probably right, innit," she told us slavering over an ice-cream that had mostly gone down her front. "Jeff's an ignorant..." She then stared at us blankly for five minutes before saying she needed to go "wee-wee" and could we help?