Geri Haliwell Produces Something Other Than Shit

Like some foul Leprechaun squatting over a pot of gold, Geri Haliwell, former Spice Girl, has given birth. The shoutey-faced redhead popped a baby girl out of her stomach on Sunday a bit like a busty, earth-bound Ripley. Geri's 6 week fling (the father) did not attend the birth. She felt that Sacha Gervaise, a screen producer and recovering drug addict, would not make a good role model. He was kicked out of Bush after OD’ing on Ecstasy during a live performance. Gnarly.

In a touchingly maternal speech Geri barked: “I’m just hoping this child is more an angel than a devil’s child. To think that it might one day go to the equivalent of the raves I went to, or drive away my car without permission, just like the way I took my dad’s, is horrifying.” Surprisingly Geri stopped there and failed to recall her history of rampant whoring, starvation and drug-abuse.