eBay Imbecile

A thief who left barcodes and shop labels on goods he'd nicked to fence on sprawling internet giant eBay admitted yesterday he was "pigshit thick". Paul Fegan, 39, had nicked 40 pairs of designer frames, worth £125 each, from Specsavers in Newry's Buttercrane Shopping Centre. Apparently Fegan wore all the frames out of the shop at the same time. When stopped by the rent-a-cop hanging around the exit Fegan explained he was extremely short sighted and sent on his way. Staff did n't seem to notice the fact their shop, which had been fully stocked seconds before, was suddenly empty.

Some gypsy who bought one set of frames took them down his local eye shop to have the dummy lenses replaced with the bottoms of milk bottles. The staff became suspicious and Fegan soon found himself on the wrong side of a police bust. A raid on his corrugated steel shack revealed 725 pairs of shoes, couterfeit DVD's and CD's, and 2, not 1 but 2, digital cameras nicked from a local primary school. What a bastard!

Fegan has been refused bail on the grounds he is a crim. His defence lawyer did n't seem surprised or particularly bothered as he cashes in either way. Fegan will probably be sent down for his sins tomorrow. He is expected to enjoy a few years of institutional sodomy on a 24/7 basis. Vision Express, who make bendy frames, were not approached for comment.