Dominations Greatly Appreciated

The key to a healthy heart is to pay someone in leather to beat you, apparently. Abraham Alexander, an executive at the Manhattan Cardiovascular Research Foundation embezzled $237,162 out of charity coffers in order to fund his dominatrix addiction. The 45 year-old had been paying his bitch (Lady Sage from Ohio) up to $2,000 a pop for a 12 hour session. Alexander racked up further charges in flights and car rentals to and from Ohio, and of course on rubbery gifts from ‘Wicked Naughty Accessories’ and ‘Leather Creations’.

Weak hearted charity benefactors are said to ‘not really give a fuck’ about the extortion and complained that the 2-6 year jail conviction was ‘steep’ considering he’d been beaten up every day for the last 2 years. To add public humiliation to whip-induced injury, Alexander’s cold-hearted and boring wife has taken their two daughters out of their Long Island home and filed for divorce. When asked to comment, the charity mogul said: “is this all part of the deluxe package? I’m not paying extra for the jail scenes. Oooh I’m a bad, bad boy, beat me, step on my balls” etc.