Doherty Is A Bloody Artist

Massive skag-head Pete Doherty DOESN’T pump brown into the collapsed veins of his semi-conscious fans. Just last week The Sun printed pictures of the singer plunging a hypodermic needle into 21 year old Laura McEvoy’s pale, twitching arm. Thankfully honest Pete has come up with a bullet-proof explanation. For “a long time” now he has been creating “blood paintings”. As you can see from the picture, these are highly desired pieces - a bit like shit would be if it was smeared onto paper.

It’s unbelievably bad luck that this wasn’t revealed prior to all those nasty allegations. Paul Roundhill, Doherty’s literary agent, is the proud owner of one such painting. As he sipped champagne from his yacht in St Lucia and stroked the huge bag of cash nestling on his balls he revealed:

"I picked these pictures up at his flat in Hackney… I think they help explain the photograph of Laura. It shows he does do blood paintings."

Ever since the announcement there have been reports of Doherty feverishly rubbing cheese graters and mach 5’s against his tatty arms, in an attempt to acquire ‘paint’. The singer will exhibit his work at ‘a London gallery’ in the near future and plans to charge ‘£1,000’ pounds a pop. No-one has a clue what Pete (who will have a heroin blocker transplanted into his arm next week) will inject the money on.