Deer Launch Anti Student Protest

Deers have been maiming students and secretaries at the University of Illinois. 31 year old envelope folder, Tammy Emery is the latest casualty in this extraordinary spate of attacks. "I could tell it was angry, but I wasn't sure what about," said Emery who enjoys carving up fawns on her days off. "I couldn't have run if I tried" she recalled, "this deer was headed right toward me, full charge."

Emery was butted to the ground and kicked repeatedly by the doe, who appeared to be having the time of her life. She walked away snorting and spitting, leaving her victim with one ear 'sliced open', several bruises and a 'hoofprint on her hand'. This is the 8th attack in just under a year.

Incidents have only taken place in the woods, which means the majority of victims were probably poachers or rapists. University wildlife ecologist, Clay Nielsen, is convinced that they're being carried about by different deer and is currently leading a seminar entitled "Avoiding Deer-Human Encounters of the Third Kind on Campus." He is almost certainly not liked.