Buy A Ford For Just Three Billion Dollars!

Through a machiavellian display of strong leadership and racism, 492 year old bifocal wearer Robert Mugabe has successfully steered Zimbabwe to 1000% inflation. The joke on the Zimbabwean street is that it's actually cheaper to wipe your chudder with $100k notes than it is with chud paper (which costs roughly $200k). It has been speculated that the dramatic rise in cash millionaires has been down to the government's pragmatic policy of farm burning and foreign aid squandering. Tobacco production fell from 250 million kg in 1999 to a predicted 45 million kg by the end of 2006.

Smokers are 'dissapointed'. "It's bad enough having to fork out the best part of a million for a raspberry frupaccino these days, without everyone being tight with their ciggies" spluttered a local milliner. The president's wife, Grace Mugabe, who's has the second highest spending record at Harrods (£11m in one sesh) is said to be calm but stable. However, not willing to take any chances with her stress levels, the president has kindly promised to rig all future elections.