Bottomley Covered In Poo By ASBO

A 57 year old retired business woman has been issued an ASBO for blocking roads with shit and roadkill. Jeanne Wilding also 'repeatedly and loudly played a choral work about rape, pillage and the trashing of villages' according to locals in the hamlet of Bottomley. One of Wilding's rampages included: bashing up her 'neighbour's vehicle... beaming floodlights' into his home and 'tipping oil' onto his driveway.

Just imagine getting home after work (having swerved past excrement and death) only to slip all over your oiled driveway and break every bone in your work-weary body. After throwing your broken eyeballs and nose cartilage into the bin, you then have to sit in the living room with a giant spotlight beaming onto your sad, broken face.

Deputy District Judge Sandra Keen concluded, "it's clear she has little or no appreciation of the effect her behavior has on other people... If her views are challenged, she responds in a wholly inappropriate manner." In addition to a loud music, spotlight/CCTV installation ban, Wilding will be ordered to pay £75,000 to the council to pay for damages. The poo loving animal hater was no doubt dissapointed with the restrictions but the £75,000 bill is only marginally more expense than her council tax so it shouldn't curb her spending on massive pink sunglasses too much.