Birmingham Post Apologies to Shetlanders

The Birmingham Post, circulation 327, apologised today for an article it published stating Shetland was the most depressing place in the British Isles. 'Shitland' as the ass end of Scotland is known by some brummies, was mortified to discover:

1) Birmingham had a paper
2) Shetland was mentioned in it
3) Anyone on the island could read anything other than celtic runes

The fact that the Post had published the article without the writer having ever stepped foot on 'Shitland' only added insult to injury. In response one native, wearing blue and white facepaint and the hide of a wolf, said that Birmingham struck him as one of the dullest places on earth. He went on to say that if the weather was better then the island would be perfect. In a similar way one imagines that if there was more daylight in Finland then the suicide rate might be lower.
Mooky.net can see how anyone in Birmingham, by far one of the most cosmopolitan and uplifting cities in the world, would see the remote island as depressing.

However the Post is clearly keen to avoid this war of worlds escalating into a Braveheart style confrontation. An envoy has been dispacthed to the island to write a more balanced piece on 'Shitland' as an apology for the offending article. The unlucky bastard will reportedly have to swim the last part of the journey because motorised vehicles in that part of the world are perceived as the devil's work. Once there it is expected he will be burnt in a Wickerman on the eve of the next Pagan festival.