Captain Hooky Hoff Takes On Wombles

David Hasselhook took the world (of middle-aged-rugby-shirt-wearing Wimbledonians) by storm today when he annouced that he'll be starring in that neverneverending pantomime: Peter Pan.

That's right, everyone's favourite gin-soaked teuton is putting down his tiny, inexplicable piece of red beach plastic and taking to the stage. David, 94, will be playing the evil Captain Hook: Boooooooo.

Don't worry, there's no 'never never' in Neverland this time. Neat vodka will be served during the interval and there will be a divorce chapel in the foyer. Book now if you want to see the Hoff in action. Tickets are expected to fly out of the box office faster than Pan catching sight of Wendy's gash.